Heat
by Ty2
Summary: Syl's in heat and doesn't know what to do. Now she has to face the consequences...
1. Heat

Disclaimer: I don't own Syl, Zane, Dark Angel, etc.   
Spoilers: none, I don't think   
Setting: doesn't really matter   
Characters: Syl, Zane, Brad (references to Jondy and Krit mostly)   
Summary: Syl's in heat and doesn't know what to do...   
Rating: PG-13   
Author: Ty   
Archive: Ask me first, kritsdarkangel@yahoo.com   
  
Heat   
  
Not this time. I will not ruin another perfectly good relationship with fucked up genetics. I've had enough. To hell with Manticore and the consequences of what they did to me. I will not let it run my life. I swore that last time was the last time I would let them interfere with my life and it will be. Besides, I'm stronger than that. I'm strong enough to beat this heat thing. Aren't I?   
This nagging little voice in the back of my head pipes up and reminds me that I wasn't strong enough last time. Last time, when things between Jason and me had just been getting somewhere and I'd gone and fucked it up (literally, the voice has to add) by sleeping with some guy named Dave.   
Well, that was last time, I argue. It won't happen again. I'm a soldier, damn it. I just need to keep a grip on things, keep busy. I'll be fine.   
You know, normal girls complain about what a bitch that time of the month is. They have no idea. Let Manticore fuck with your genetics for awhile, then come talk to me.   
There's a knock on the door and I jump about 3 feet straight up. Calm down. Relax. It's okay. I breathe deeply before cautiously approaching the door and looking through the peephole. Great. Just great. It's Brad. Perfect timing.   
"Hey, Jennifer! Let me in!" he calls through the door.   
It takes me a moment to remember that I'm supposed to be Jennifer. New city, new name. Sometimes I almost lose track.   
"Brad?"   
"Yeah, let me in, will ya?"   
"You came at a bad time. Can I call you later?"   
"What do you mean a bad time? Just open up, please."   
Damn it, why does he have to be so stubborn? Okay, Syl. There's only one way to get rid of him now. Take a deep breath, open the door, and DO NOT jump him. Ready? One, two, three.   
I crack open the door and carefully poke my head around. I firmly keep my eyes locked on Brad's so I can't get distracted by the rest of him.   
"Jen, what's wrong?" he asks, sensing I'm coiled about as tight as a person can go before they snap.   
"Nothing. I'm just not feeling well." I force out of my mouth, which seems strangely dry.   
"You sick? I'll make you some..." he begins.   
"NO!" I yell to loudly, startling both of us. I try again, quieter, "No. Please, I'd rather you not see my like this. I call you later, when I'm feeling a little better, okay?"   
"Oh, come on, Jennifer. Just because you're sick, doesn't mean you can't let anyone even see you. Let me take care of you." Brad insists.   
"No, no. Seriously. I don't want you to get sick, too." I lie.   
"I'll risk it."   
"No."   
"Jen..."   
I'm getting really tired of this game. Much as he means well, my nerves can't take this right now.   
"Look, I'm not letting you through this door. I will call you." I say firmly and shut the door.   
I listen closely through the door and finally hear him sigh and walk away. I sigh myself and collapse against the door. That was close. But I handled it. Now if only I could be sure that I'll handle the next few days as well.   
***   
  
Running doesn't help. Push-ups don't help. TV doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Food doesn't help. Sleep doesn't help. Cold showers don't help. Nothing helps!   
I'm going nuts! I can't even think without my mind warping it into something naughty. It's only been one day. How can it have only been one day? It feels like forever. I jump ever time the phone rings and don't pick it up, knowing I can't handle the temptation of a sexy, smooth male voice at the other end.   
Told you that you couldn't handle it, the little voice says.   
I growl in annoyance at myself and punch a hole through the wall. The thing that really irks me is that the little voice is right. I don't think I can handle it.   
I talked to Jondy about it not too long ago. I ran into her and for some reason she decided she wanted to talk. That had surprised me. I'd never been her favorite, like I am Krit's (or so he tells me every time he sees me). But she'd wanted to talk and we'd started talking about all the crap with Manticore and somehow the subject came up. Jondy says she doesn't have too much of a problem with it. She says she feels the need, she does the deed. But Jondy's always been like that. Her mentality, the way I see it, has always been "I see, I want, I take". Zack always rides her about that. He says her wild, rebellious nature going to get her killed. Kind of like curiosity killed the cat. Well, we've got feline DNA.   
But I just can't go the Jondy way. I'm not like that. Jondy's way of life is just too...lonely...for me. But she's been like that since she lost Max in the ice. She's always been a loner. Not me. I had Krit with me almost every minute until we met up with Zack and he split us up.   
This apartment is way too small. I've got to get some air. But if I let myself go out that door, I'll definitely do something I'll regret.   
Wait. Maybe there's another way. Maybe...maybe there's a way I can get over this thing without the guilt or the new guy who suddenly thinks he's in my life. Maybe if I found someone who understood the situation, who knew what was going on. Someone who knows exactly what the barcode on the back of my neck means.   
But who's close enough? Who can I get to without being sidetracked? Think, Syl, think. Krit? No, he's in New Mexico by now. Zack? God knows where Zack is. Ben? No, I have no idea where he is either. Derek? No, he's in Florida. Um...Jay, where's Jay? Jay's in....damn it, Zack, you didn't tell me where he was! Jo? Jondy saw Jo. Where? Uh...Michigan! No, that's not helpful. Zane! You idiot, Syl! Zane's here! He should be about twenty miles from here. You can make it that far. Just drive really, really fast.   
***   
  
I was shaking by the time I showed up on Zane's doorstep. It had been so hard to keep myself on track. So hard to keep from stopping. But I'd made it. If I wasn't in the state I was, I would have been proud of myself.   
Zane opens the door. I expected myself to launch at him, tackle him to the floor. But I don't move. I can't. I just stare at him, still shaking.   
"Syl!" he cries in surprise and worry.   
He looks me over, sees me shaking and immediately brings me inside. Maybe he thought it was a seizure. I don't think he noticed quite yet what it really was.   
"Here. Lay down." he says, pushing me onto a couch.   
He looks at me with concern and I clench my fists as I try to find my voice to explain to him.   
"Zane..." I start, my voice sounding odd to my own ears, "I need..."   
My voice cracks under the strain and my sentence dies. I look at him with longing, hoping he'll understand.   
I see his eyes widen and he freezes where he stands.   
"Syl..." he says quietly, shaking his head.   
"Please..." I beg.   
"Syl, I can't." Zane protests.   
That was it. That was all I could take. Before Zane can react, I'm off the couch and only a hair's breadth away from him. I look up at him. I place my hands on his chest, feeling hard muscle even through his clothes. I lick my lips.   
"Zane..." I say quietly.   
I move one hand up to his cheek, guiding his face down into range. Then, I stand on my toes and kiss him. He doesn't want to, not really. But he can't resist.   
I know Zane. I know what he thinks and what he's like. Zane's emotional. He believes in all that sappy romance nonsense that I can't seem to buy. He falls hard every time and more often than not gets his heart broken because of it. Back in Manticore, it was always Krit who was my strong point and Zane who held me when I got the shakes.   
I pull away slowly for some air. Zane looks at me, searchingly. He is teetering between what to do. I could push him over the edge.   
"Help me, Zane." I whisper against his lips before kissing him again.   
That did it. Zane's hands rise to my face; his thumb traces my jaw. I push him back towards the couch and he falls onto it. I straddle his knees and continue kissing him.   
***   
  
I wake up feeling strange. I can't seem to remember where I am. It hurts to move even though I'm on a soft bed. It's not my bed. Whose bed am I in?   
I look around, feeling more paranoid than usual. I see a figure lying next to me and I recognize Zane. His back is to me and his short hair exposes his barcode. As if to prove to myself that it is him, I reach out and brush the barcode lightly with my fingers.   
Zane twitches at the contact and roles over to face me. He sees my face and says nothing, just sits up and waits for me to talk. As if everything is alright and nothing happened.   
"Zane..." I try to apologize, but he knows that is what I'm going to do and stops me with a sharp shake of his head. I sigh and start again, "I never meant to put you in that situation, Zane. It's the only thing I could think to do. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself. And I knew that you would understand. I was hoping that would make it okay."   
I look down, unable to bear the look on Zane's face that I know will be there.   
"Syl," he says softly, "it is okay."   
He gently lifts my chin so I'm looking at him again. The look on his face makes me want to open up to him, to cry even. But I can't. I don't think I know how. But he knows that, too.   
"I will always be here for you, Syl." he promises, leaning over to kiss my forehead, "I love you, remember?"   
I can't speak. I just continue to stare into his sympathetic eyes. I was hoping that going to Zane wouldn't leave me feeling guilty, but I do. Not for the normal reasons, though. Normally, I feel guilty for betraying the guy I'm with. But now, now I feel guilty because I know that I love him and I can't tell him.   
Zane quietly moves away, turning his back to me as he pulls on a pair of jeans.   
"Zane." I say quickly, feeling like I'm losing my chance to talk to him.   
He turns back to me.   
"Can I stay with you? Just for a little while?" I ask, cursing myself for not being able to say what I really wanted to.   
"Of course, Syl." Zane says, "I'm going to go take a shower, okay? If you're hungry, there's plenty of food. Help yourself to whatever you want."   
I close my eyes, wishing that when I open them this will all be a dream. I'll open my eyes and I'll never have slept with Zane, I'll still be perfectly happy with Brad, I'll never have realized that my heart belongs with Zane now.   
And here I thought I wouldn't let Manticore fuck with my life anymore. Or maybe this was just me, fucking things up all on my own. Either way, it looks like being in heat was just the beginning.


	2. My Worst Weakness

Disclaimer: I don't own Syl, Zane, Dark Angel, etc.  
Spoilers: none, I don't think  
Setting: after my fic "Heat"  
Characters: Syl, Zane, Brad  
Summary: Syl deals with the consequences of her heat...  
Rating: PG-13  
Author: Ty  
Archive: Ask me first, kritsdarkangel@yahoo.com  
Author's Note: You do have to read "Heat" for this to make any sense at all. There will be another part to this and I'm considering reposting this so that it's one story and these are chapters. I don't know if this will come across the way I wanted it to, so please review and let me know what you think. I may rewrite this if it doesn't make any sense to you guys. Thanks.  
  
My Worst Weakness  
  
I've sat here for over five minutes now, my eyes closed, thinking nothing, just listening to the sound of running water coming from Zane's shower. I don't know what to do. Zane is supposed to be my brother, but that concept has been completely thrown out the window. I mean, it's not like we're really related, but it's just the way we perceived things. There's Manticore again, fucking up my life.  
Suddenly, something jumps on the bed. My eyes fly open to find a German Shepherd in my face. The dog sniffs me curiously, then likes my face. I make a disgusted face and push the dog away. I try to remember what the dog is doing here and then I remember. This is Millie, Zane's beloved pet and best friend.  
"Hi, Millie." I say, petting her on the head, tentatively.  
Dogs make me kind of nervous. But why wouldn't they? After you've had ferocious dogs that are as big as you were at the time, trained to rip you to shreds if they can, tearing after you, wouldn't dogs make you a little nervous? Especially German Shepherds, the exact breed they had at Manticore. Zane's weird.  
Millie rolls her eyes at me like she can read my thoughts and finds them ridiculous. She flops down on top of my legs and licks my hand. Now I'm affectively trapped here until the dumb dog gets tired of me. Great.  
"Thanks, Millie." I say sarcastically.  
I sigh and berate myself for avoiding the topic I should be thinking about. What am I going to do?  
  
"Syl!"  
Someone's calling my name, but I'm too out of it to register who it is. I was totally unprepared for this. How was I supposed to know that Manticore would send X5's after me?  
I manage to get back to my feet, but can't move fast enough to block another punch right to my face. My nose breaks in an explosion of pain, but I'm still standing. A kick to my stomach sends me flying back into a wall, breaking ribs. I lean against the wall for support. It's very hard to breath. A kick to the head and I can't see anymore. I fall to the ground, not unconscious, but unable to move, barely able to breath.  
"Syl!" I vaguely hear the voice again.  
I hear the sounds of fighting for a while, then silence. I wait for the Manticore X5's to come back for me, restrain me and toss me into a military issue vehicle. I try hard to open my eyes to see what has happened, but I can't. It hurts too much.  
"Syl." the same voice that I know I should recognize says softly.  
Gentle hands pull me into a sitting position. I feel someone wraps their arms around me and pull me back against their chest. Everything hurts so much.  
"I'm sorry, Syl. I got here as fast as I could." the voice says.  
Maybe it's Zack? No, I didn't tell Zack where I was going. Zack had ticked me off and I had taken off with Krit and Zane. Zane!  
"Zane..." I push through my split and bleeding lips.  
My voice doesn't sound like my own. It hurts to talk.  
"Syl!" Zane cries, surprised that I'm conscious.  
I feel him pick me up, trying to be gentle, but still causing me great pain. I feel tears slide down my cheeks from the pain, but there's nothing I can do to stop them. I just wish I would pass out already.  
Zane stumbles and a wave of pain courses through my body and finally sends me into blackness.  
When I wake up, I am somewhere soft and warm. I slowly open my eyes and find that I am on a bed in what looks like a motel room. I'm covered in bandages.  
"Zane?" I venture quietly.  
"I'm here, Syl." he says immediately, appearing at my side.  
"What...?" I ask, confused.  
"I'm so sorry, Syl. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I got there as fast as I could. None of us were expecting X5's. But we're out of there now. I don't know where Krit is, but I know he's safe, don't worry. God, Syl. Are you okay?" he asks.  
It's almost comic how worried he is. I try to laugh at him, but it hurts. Instead I offer him a weak smile.  
"This is me we're talking about." I remind him, "I take a lickin' and keep on tickin'."  
Zane laughs half-heartedly and brushes hair out of my face.  
"I love you, Syl. I'll take care of you." he promises.  
  
The shower turns off and I snap out of my memories. Zane enters, toweling his wet hair. He smiles when he sees me and Millie.  
"I see Millie has introduced herself." Zane says.  
"Yep." I agree.  
Zane goes to the closet and pulls on a shirt. I suddenly realize that I'm still naked. Plus, my clothes were pretty destroyed.  
"Uh...Zane?" I ask sheepishly.  
"Yeah?"  
"Got anything that's too small for you?" I ask.  
Zane glances at me and realizes what I had. He blushes and looks through his closet. Even if he finds something that's too small for him, it will probably be three times too big for me. Zane's the tallest and I'm the shortest. Not exactly a perfect size match. But clothes are clothes.  
Zane tosses me some pants and a shirt and gives me a questioning look.  
"Thanks." I say, offering him a smile.  
Zane takes that for approval and nods. I squirm slightly.  
"Uh....could you turn around?" I ask.  
"Oh!" Zane says, immediately turning around.  
"Well, first could you get Millie off?"  
"Millie, come." Zane says without turning around.  
Millie jumps off the bed and immediately goes to her master. I change quickly.  
"Okay." I say.  
Zane looks at me and I can tell he's trying not to laugh. Like I predicted, the clothes are way too big and I'm sure I look ridiculous.  
"Shut up." I warn him.  
"Yes, ma'am." he says sarcastically.  
"Hey, Zane."  
"What?"  
"Do you remember when Manticore sent in X5's?"  
Zane freezes and gives me an odd look.  
"Of course, I remember."  
  
I'm getting better quickly. I'm an X5, after all. I just need sleep and time to heal. It's been two days. We're in a new hotel. Like he promised, Zane is taking care of me. Even though I keep telling him I can take care of myself.  
"Syl, I am fully aware that you can take care of yourself, but you're still not 100%.. And I don't want you to get yourself in another fight and rebreak your ribs or something." Zane replies, "Besides, it's not every day that I get to check into a hotel with a beautiful girl."  
He winks at me and I roll my eyes. That's more something Krit would say then Zane, but Zane had been hanging around Krit too much before the whole situation.  
"I'll bet." I snorted in reply.  
"Hey." Zane said in mock hurt.  
"You deserved it." I replied, "Don't act like Krit. Bad things happen."  
We both smile at the diss to Krit. We both love him, but it's true. Where Krit goes, disaster often follows. Usually in the form of a pissed-off C.O.  
"Hungry, kitten?" Zane asked.  
Zane and Krit both call me by cat names. They say it suits me. I guess their right, Cat DNA and all.  
"Sure." I shrugged.  
Zane saw through my nonchalance and knew that I was starving. He ordered two large pizzas and then joined me on the bed to watch TV.  
"You're my favorite, you know." Zane said suddenly.  
I glanced at him curiously.  
"What?" I asked.  
"You. You're my favorite sibling or whatever. We all know that Max is Zack's and Jondy's and Ben's. Jo and Jay love Lani. And Tinga is the only one who can stand Derek. But you, you're my favorite and Krit's, too." Zane explained.  
I didn't really know how to respond to that.  
"Thanks." I offered uncertainly.  
"Thanks." Zane mimicked, "Silly, kitten..."  
He proceeded to tickle me, careful of my ribs. I gasped and tried to escape. Zane quickly stopped and I slowly took my spot back, eyeing him suspiciously. We sat in silence for a while.  
"Zane?" I questioned.  
"Hmmm?" he asked.  
"No matter what, I'll always have you, right? No matter what Manticore does or how strange the world gets?"  
"Of course. I love you, Syl. That will never change." Zane promised.  
"I love you, too, Zane." I replied quietly.  
  
"I love you, Zane." I venture into the silence.  
"I love you, too, kitten." Zane replies automatically, still thinking about the past.  
I sigh and head towards the kitchen, needing something to do. Maybe making breakfast will be an affective distraction.  
It's funny how readily he can say those words. I'm not even sure if I know fully what they mean. I'm very careful with those words. I've spoken them to three people: Zane, Zack, and Krit. I don't think Zane realizes how much they can mean. Or how much I want them to mean.  
A beeping sounds makes me jump. I see my pager on the floor near the couch. I pick it up and look at the number.  
"Oh, god. Brad." I mumble.  
"Who's Brad?"  
I whirl around to see Zane standing behind me.  
"No one!" I squeak, feeling like I'm losing my touch.  
Zane shouldn't have been able to sneak up on me. Snap out of it, Syl!  
"If it was no one, then you wouldn't have said 'Oh, god'. Now who is it?" Zane demanded.  
"I said it's no one. Back off, Zane." I snap, feeling cornered.  
I find my shoes and slip them on before heading towards the door.  
"Where're you going?" Zane asks.  
"To take care of something." I reply vaguely.  
"Will you be back?"  
I pause for a second. Zane almost sounds....no, it's my imagination.  
"Yeah." I say quietly and hurry out the door.  
Zane has always meant so much to me. He's been my protector, my haven, my friend in a way slightly off of what Krit is to me. Krit is like my twin, only with the rebellious, goof-off part highlighted. No wonder Zack likes to try and keep us apart. But Zane, Zane is someone who I'd go to talk to when something is bothering me just because I know he'd listen quietly and then he'd somehow make it all better. But now even that was different. Funny, somewhere in the back of my mind I'd always figured that if I'd ended up with one of them, it would have been Krit.   
But last night had definitely changed that. Maybe I was confusing sex with love. Maybe that was it. Zack said I did that. But what did Zack know. I personally believe that was just another excuse of his to beat the crap out of my current boyfriend and make me move to a new state. Besides, if I chose to believe that all that I felt towards Zane was physical, I'd be lying to myself, taking the easy way out, and completely stepping on all that he had been to me before I'd gone and fucked things up (literally) with my damn heat cycle.  
How could my feelings have changed so quickly? Was I really that fickle? I'd been dating Brad, thought that I'd liked him enough to make things a little more permanent, maybe move in with him for now. And now I didn't feel anything for him. It felt like I'd always loved Zane and Brad was just a distraction.  
I needed to talk to someone. Desperately. That's not like me, usually I keep things to myself if I think they're important or if they're this mushy-feely type of stuff. But this was too much. There were too many thoughts swirling around if my genetically-tweaked brain. And obviously I couldn't talk to my usual counselor.  
I needed Krit.  
I pull over at a gas station and hop out to use the payphone. I don't have any money, but I had always been able to charm some out of people. Besides, it was just some change. No one would mind giving up a little change.  
I quickly dial the number that Krit had given me before he'd left and that I had committed to memory.  
"Hello?" Krit's voice answers.  
"Hey, it's me." I reply.  
"Well, hey, baby. What's up?" Krit teases.  
"That lonely, huh?" I tease back.  
"You wish." Krit snorts.  
"Oh, sure. Like I have that much free time to worry about your personal life." I retort.  
"I'll bet. So why'd you call? Not that I mind, of course."  
"Well,...I need to talk."  
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what we're doing?"  
"Shut up, smart ass. I'm being serious. I really need to talk to you and I don't mean over the damn phone. Can you come here?" I ask, hand clenching into a fist around the phone chord nervously.  
"Sure, babe. If it means that much to you. You know you're my number one gal. I'll be there before you know it." Krit promises, hearing the urgency in my voice.  
I can almost see him frown worriedly over the phone.  
"Thanks, Krit."  
"Got an address for me, kitty-cat?" he asks.  
I stiffen at the cat name, but don't say anything about it. I rattle off my address for him, but ask him to meet me at my favorite diner instead. We set up a rendezvous time and I slowly hang up. Tomorrow evening seems like forever away. Much too much time for me to continue my rambling thoughts.  
I laugh at myself and shake my head as I head back to my car. All the torture and training that Lydecker put me through and I didn't even blink. Now look at me and it's all because of one little night with one of my own unit. Lydecker had been right, we are our worst weakness. God, I hate it when he's right. 


	3. Dog-tags

Disclaimer: I don't own Syl, Zane, Dark Angel, etc.  
Spoilers: none, I don't think  
Setting: after my fics "Heat" and "My Worst Weakness"  
Characters: Syl, Zane, Brad, Krit  
Summary: Syl meets with Brad and has a revelation...  
Rating: PG-13  
Author: Ty  
Archive: Ask me first, kritsdarkangel@yahoo.com  
  
Dog-tags  
  
I park out in front of the building and head quietly up the stairs. No one notices me. I have that knack for blending in so well, being so unobtrusive, that I'm practically invisible. Apartment 3D. I knock on the door and wait quietly for him to let me in.  
I feel him look through the peephole at me, that tingly sensation of eyes on you. Then I hear him unlock the door hurriedly.  
"Jennifer!" he exclaims and folds me into a hug, "After the other day I thought you'd never want to see me again. You were acting really weird. I didn't know what to think. I'm so glad you're feeling better. You are feeling better, right? Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm so glad to see you."  
His rambling seems pathetic to me. His words are insignificant, they hold no real meaning. He's like a stranger to me with no emotional connection to me whatsoever. It's very strange. It's almost like I'm not here. I feel cold as I gently push him away.  
"Can I come in?" I ask quietly.  
"Of course!" Brad says, not noticing my distance.  
He motions me inside and I enter, hugging my sides. I move directly to the couch and sit down, pulling my legs up under me. Brad moves towards me and I give him a look that makes him stop and sit in the chair across from me instead of next to me.  
"What's wrong, Jen?" he asks.  
"Uh...well...I don't think I should see you anymore."  
"What?" Brad looks stunned, "Why?"  
"It wouldn't be fair to you. I'm not into this relationship like I should be. You'd be better off with someone else. I hope you have a nice life, Brad."  
I've said my piece and I head towards the door. Brad jumps after me and grabs my wrist.  
"You think you can just dump this on me and leave like that?" Brad yells at me, "You're telling me I've wasted all this time on you for nothing?"  
"Let go of me." I say icily without turning around.  
"I know what's going on. You were never sick. You had some other guy in there, you whore! I never..." Brad's grip tightens and he pulls me towards him, grabs my shoulder, shakes me roughly.  
"Let go of me, now." I say in the same quiet, icy voice.  
Brad ignores me and continues yelling. He raises his hand to slap me. I've had enough. I duck his swing, jerk my wrist out of his grasp and sock him in the stomach. He looks surprised. I quickly leave, gently close the door. I hear him yell after me, but ignore him. He wants Jennifer. That's not me. I am Syl and he could never understand me.  
I hop back into my car and drive aimlessly for at least an hour. Finally, I sigh and head back towards Zane's place.  
He's sitting on the porch when I drive up, playing ball with Millie. I sigh because the scene is almost perfect, so normal. You could look at him and never know that, like me, he's a freak on the run from a secret government agency. You would never know that he has seizures because his brain wirings a little screwy. You would never know that he hides a barcode on the back of his neck, that the name he was born with wasn't a name at all, but a designation: X5-205.  
"She always bring it back?" I ask casually as I get out.  
"Most of the time." Zane says with a grin as he throws the ball again.  
"What do you do when she doesn't?"  
"Well, then you have to chase after her and win the ball back." Zane says, "It's all part of the game."  
"Can I try?"  
"Sure." he tosses the ball to me as soon as Millie brings it back.  
I make a face because the ball is slobbery and toss the ball. Millie tears after it, then runs back, tail wagging.  
"You're a natural." Zane says.  
I smile at him and toss the ball again. Funny how easy it is to please Millie. It must be nice to be a dog.  
"Sometimes I think a dog's life is the best." Zane says, practically reading my thoughts, "A simple ball makes her so happy."  
I nod in agreement and hand the ball to him when Millie brings it back. His fingers brush mine and the contact reminds me of how he held me while I drifted off to sleep last night. I freeze in place, but he doesn't seem to notice. I hope he hasn't noticed. Get it together, Syl.  
"I should swing by my place." I mutter to distract myself, "Pick up my things."  
"You moving?" Zane asks.  
"I don't like the place. Too confined. Need some new surroundings." I reply.  
"Where you going?"  
"I don't know. Can I stay here 'till I figure it out?"  
"My door's always open to you, kitten. You know that. At least, until Zack drops by and makes us split up like he always does." he says it with regret, but without any anger towards Zack. We all know that he only does what he does for our own safety. Still, he seems to have a knack for ticking each of us off.  
"Thanks, Zane."  
We lapse into silence, but it's good. I hop up on the banister and kick my legs back and forth as I watch him play with Millie. I laugh when Millie changes the game and takes off with the ball as Zane warned she did occasionally. Zane runs after her and tackles her to the ground, stealing the ball from her mouth and running away. He runs up the stairs onto the porch and hides behind me as Millie runs up. Millie jumps up, her paws on my legs as she tries to reach Zane.  
"Oh, kitten. Protect me!" Zane jokes.  
"Oh, no. I can fight just about anything for you, but not Millie. Especially when you took her ball." I declare, jumping down out of the way and pointing the dog towards the stairs.  
Millie barks and runs up the stairs to jump on Zane and steal her ball back. She wags her tail triumphantly and comes down to stand by my side. Zane smiles and crosses his arms.  
"What are you smiling at?" I demand, patting Millie on the head.  
"Millie likes you." Zane states, gesturing at us.  
"I guess she does." I shrug.  
"She's a good judge of character." Zane says, "She growled at Zack."  
I laugh and scratch the dogs ears.  
"Zack probably growled back." I muse, imagining the scene.  
"I swear he did!" Zane agrees adamantly.  
I laugh again and stamp down on the thought that Zane is terribly cute.  
"I should go." I say, sobering.  
"Now?" Zane questions.  
"Yeah. I'm gonna grab my stuff. Want me to pick up something for dinner?" I ask.  
"Sure. Whatever you want is great." Zane says.  
"Cool." I say, jumping in my car.  
The distance between my place and Zane's seems shorter than the last time I traversed it. I get home and quickly pack my things. I pause when I pick up something that actually means something to me. It's a dog-tag. Not a real one, but one that you would put on a dog's collar like Millie's. It was a joke between me and Krit. We each got one out of this old machine. It was like a diss to Manticore somehow that we would put our designations on fake dog-tags, as well as our names that they wouldn't acknowledge. I loved mine dearly. I loved what it symbolized. I loved how it meant I wasn't really a soldier, that I wasn't what they had wanted me to be. But I also hated that it was something meant for an animal, what they had treated us like. The fake dog-tag means a lot to me, but because of that last, I don't wear it much.  
But now that I think about it, animals are better than people. People created Manticore. People put weapons in the hands of children and taught them to kill. Millie is innocent. She gives love and companionship selflessly.  
I put my dog-tag on and finish packing my things. I would have to share my revelation with Krit tomorrow. 


	4. Krit

Krit  
  
I spend the night on the couch, unable to sleep for most of the night. All I can do is remember what it was like sleeping in the bed with Zane. I sigh and punch my pillow in frustration. I order myself to sleep, forcing myself to even out my breathing and relax. Finally, I fall asleep.  
What seems like only seconds later, I jerk awake. The smell of bacon invades my senses. I open my eyes and look around and see Zane making breakfast. He smiles at me.  
"Morning, sleeping beauty." he says, "Hungry?"  
"For bacon? Always." I declare, scrambling off the couch.  
Good bacon is a rarity. For one, it's hard to find any. And secondly, I usually hang out with Krit, if anyone, and neither of us can cook it just right. I sit at the counter and watch as Zane cooks. He laughs at me and hands me a plate of what he has already made. I glare at him before wolfing down what is on the plate.  
"Slow down, kitten. You're going to give yourself a stomachache." Zane warns.  
"Never." I reply, handing him the empty plate.  
Satisfied with my breakfast, I leave Zane to cook the rest for himself and plop down on his couch. I turn on the TV and flip channels aimlessly. I finally get bored with it and leave it on the channel I come to, not caring what is on. There's never anything good on TV anyway.  
I feel the couch move and look over at Zane as he plops down next to me. He has a bacon sandwich. He bites into it happily and I resolve myself to watch him.  
"What?" he asks through a mouthful of food.  
"Nothing." I reply with a shrug.  
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Zane asks after he swallows.  
"Because you're more interesting than the damn TV. Is that okay?" I return.  
"No, you're weirding me out." Zane replies.  
"Oops." I shrug.  
Zane sighs and quickly finishes his sandwich, resigned to letting me watch him. He throws the last bite to Millie, who happily catches it in midair and swallows it without stopping to chew.  
"Got any plans today, kitten?" Zane asks.  
"Uh...I have to meet someone for lunch, but other than that no." I respond.  
"Wanna come with me to take Millie for a walk?" Zane asks.  
"Sure."  
Zane gets up and I follow him. He tells Millie that it is walk-time and she immediately starts jumping up and down in excitement. We all head out the door and start off into the forest that surrounds Zane's house. I wonder how Zane came by such a nice place and figure Zack got it for him. How Zack did that I don't bother to wonder. I probably don't want to know. Whatever the means, it is a nice place.  
"You've got a nice place here, Zane." I tell him.  
"Yeah. Nicest thing Zack's done for me for some time." Zane says.  
"You mean besides saving your butt regularly and the whole escape from Manticore thing." I say, defending 'big brother'.  
"Yeah, besides that." Zane agrees, grinning.  
We both know how much Zack has sacrificed for us. He can be quite an asshole at times, but that's just who he is. Zack is always there for us, our security, our fail-safe. When everything else in the world has gone wrong, "big brother" is always there to bail us out.  
"So, Syl..." Zane begins, "What have you been up to anyway?"  
"Me? Oh, nothing much. The usual bar-hopping, cat-burglary, skipping out the back door a sec before Ol' Deck catches me kinda same old." I joke.  
"Serious." Zane presses.  
"Well...laying low mostly. Got chewed out bad the last town. Krit and I were doing some heists. Zack said it was too conspicuous. He moved me out here and Krit to New Mexico. Life was just starting to work itself out a little when that damn heat thing screwed it all to hell again." I shrug it off, "Time to start over again."  
"Stop that." Zane snaps.  
I look at him in surprise.  
"What?"  
"Stop doing that 'nothing matters to me, I'm too tough for the world' thing. You don't have to pull that with me." Zane says.  
I look at him curiously. He is looking away, a frown on his face. I try to figure out what he's thinking, but it's beyond me.  
Confused, I respond, "I know."  
"Do you?"  
"What is up with you, Zane?" I demand.  
"It's just...nevermind." Zane sighs.  
"No! No, nevermind. I want to know." I insist.  
"It's just...we all act so tough around each other, especially Zack and you girls. It's like we're still back in Manticore and you're all afraid that if you show a weakness someone might turn you into to Lydecker. I hate that. They wanted us to be emotionless and I...I don't know, Syl. I just...when you showed up shaking and asking for help, it was like you were so human, so real. I don't want to move backwards from that. You're my favorite, my best friend, my kitten. And I...I don't know." Zane was almost pointedly avoiding looking at me.  
"Zane..." I say, feeling astounded.  
This wasn't part of my training. I wasn't sure how to respond. I hadn't known...  
"Zane..." I repeated.  
"I'm sorry." Zane says quickly.  
"No! It's okay. I just...I don't know what to say." I admit.  
I stop, sitting down on a log that has presented itself. Zane stands in front of me, looking even taller from my sitting height. He finally meets my eyes and gives me an uncertain smile.  
"I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday." I blurt out before I even know what I'm saying.  
"Syl..." Zane says, surprised, "You never..."  
"I know. He wasn't important. Just a distraction. Just part of acting normal, which I'm not. We're not." I say, being more honest than I've been for most of my life.  
Zane didn't respond, but instead joined me on the log. He squeezed my hand and I looked at him, feeling that strange feeling in my stomach and my chest grow stronger. That feeling that I'd dealt with since I'd woken up the day before. Had it only been that long? It seemed like forever. Maybe it had been forever, only I was just know realizing what it was. In my mind I whispered, 'Zane, I love you.'  
"We should head back if you want to make your lunch meeting." Zane said quietly.  
I mentally shook myself, outwardly nodding in agreement. We both rose and headed back towards the house.  
***  
  
Rather than sit around and have awkward moments, I wave goodbye to Zane and head out as soon as we get back. I drive pretty fast to the restaurant where I was meeting Krit. I park the car quickly, not even close to being straight, and walk in. I scan the room quickly and spot Krit waving to me from the corner. I try to be inconspicuous as I hurry over.  
Krit gets up and hugs me as I reach him.  
"Hey, kitty. I missed you." Krit says.  
"I missed you, too."  
I sit across from him and take a long sip of the coffee he's already ordered me. Just the way I've always liked it, too.  
"What's wrong, kit-kat? Why'd you call?" Krit asks.  
I slowly set down my coffee. I have never had any problem talking to Krit before, but for some reason I can't find my voice now.  
"Syl?" Krit asks, his face creasing with worry.  
He quickly gets up and moves next to me, putting an arm around me and giving me a supportive hug.  
"It's alright. You can tell me. You know that." he says.  
"I...I think I'm in love with Zane." I say in a whisper.  
Krit sits frozen, stunned. I look at him anxiously. I feel this desperate need for Krit's approval.  
"Please, say something." I plead.  
"H...how?" Krit asks.  
"Well, I was in heat..." I begin.  
Krit groans.  
"Not again with this, Syl." Krit says, "You have to stop thinking that sex and love are the same thing. It's gotten you into trouble before."  
"No! That's not..." I pause and consider what Krit is saying, "At least, I don't think that's what it is."  
"Then what is it, Syl?" Krit asks, looking sad.  
"It...I just realized...he understands me, none of my boyfriends have ever understood me...and I...I feel like I've always love him...and...I don't know, Krit. I'm so confused. And I want so much to tell him, but I'm afraid that it will just make things worse." I sigh in frustration and bury my face in Krit's shoulder.  
Krit rubs my back in sympathy.  
"Oh, kitty. You've dug yourself into a deep one this time." he says, stroking my hair a little, then pushing me back into a sitting position, "You know how Zane is. Do you really want to get into this?"  
"I can't help it, Krit."  
"But, little one, I can't stand to see you get hurt."  
"He won't hurt me, Krit." I insist, "I'm his favorite. He cares about me as much as you do."  
"He very well may, but that doesn't change who he is."  
"He's Zane." I sigh.  
"Exactly." Krit says with a frown.  
Just then a waitress arrives with food. Krit smiles and explains he ordered already, picking something he thought I'd like. As always, he's read me correctly. This thought disturbs me now, however, in light of Krit's speculations. I quietly pick at my food.  
"Stop that. Eat." Krit reprimands.  
I stick my tongue out at him and pointedly stick a forkful of scrambled eggs in my mouth.  
"Good girl." Krit teases, patting me on the head.  
I jerk away from his hand and stick my tongue out at him again. He smiles and turns his attention to his own food. We both finish quickly.  
"Will you stay?" I ask.  
"I'd planned on it. Where you staying?"  
"With Zane."  
Krit sighs and gets up. I ignore him and lead the way to the car. 


	5. Hopeless

Hopeless  
  
"Surprise!" Krit calls as he strides in the front door.  
"Is that Krit?" Zane asks with a smile and embraces him.  
"Long time." Krit says.  
"Not long enough." Zane teases and shoves him lightly.  
I roll my eyes at them and stride past to plop down on the couch.  
"You didn't tell me you were having lunch with Krit, kitten." Zane says accusingly.  
"What? And give you adequate time to go into hiding? Never." I retort.  
Krit grins and plops down next to me.  
"Be a doll and fetch me something to drink, would you, Zane?" Krit says.  
Zane shoots him a look, but gets him a glass of water.  
"Good dog, Millie." Krit teases, earning him a swift punch in the arm that causes him to spill water on himself and on me.  
"Hey!" I protest, scooting away from Krit.  
"Sorry. Zane's fault." Krit says quickly.  
"Yeah, blame me." Zane says, rolling his eyes.  
I smile and shake my head. It feels good to be in the company of my two favorite people in the whole world: my best friend, Krit and my...Zane.  
"Can we behave for five seconds?" I ask, pretending to be extremely annoyed.  
They see through me and just smile and say simultaneously, "Nope."  
"Boys." I sigh.  
"Yep." Krit says, "You know you love us."  
"Unfortunately." I reply, and punch him affectionately.  
"I'm starting to feel like a punching bag, here." Krit complains.  
"Oh, complain, complain. You can take it." I retort, getting up to go get myself something to drink.  
Zane promptly takes my spot on the couch. Feeling bold, I returned with my glass of water and sat in his lap.  
"Hey!" Zane protests.  
"You took my seat. This is the penalty." I respond.  
"Fine, then. I can deal with that." Zane says, stubbornly.  
Krit shoots me a look, but I ignore him.  
"Fine." I echo, taking a sip of my water.  
"So, Krit. Where've you been keeping yourself?" Zane changes the subject.  
Krit quickly wipes the look of his face and grins at Zane.  
"New Mexico. Zack sent me south. I said 'Si, senior' and went." Krit shrugs.  
"Sounds about right." Zane says.  
"You know the best part of the whole thing?" Krit asks conspiratorially.  
"What?"  
"Bikini season. Zack sent me down just as the season opened." Krit replies, grin getting bigger.  
I unobtrusively kick Krit in the shin and take another sip of my water.  
"Ow! Syl!" Krit complains, rubbing his shin, "I'm a guy! I can't help it!"  
"Can't help what? Being an obnoxious pervert or opening your mouth and talking about it?" I ask innocently.  
"Both." Krit replies, then stops.  
Zane laughs and him and I can't help but feel my mouth twitch up into a smile. Krit rolls his eyes and sits back again.  
"You suck." he mutters.  
"Ah, poor Krit." Zane teases.  
"Shut up, you." Krit snaps, "Your time will come."  
"Oh, scary."  
"Bite me."  
"No, thanks."  
"Would you knock it off?"  
"Make me."  
"Boys!" I interrupt before they get into an all-out fight.  
"Sorry, Syl." Krit says, with mock-sheepishness.  
"We didn't mean it." Zane adds, in the same tone.  
"You're both hopeless." I announce to no one in particular.  
"Thanks, Syl." Zane says sarcastically.  
"Yeah, thanks." Krit agrees.  
I sigh in frustration, but inwardly smile. This is how things are supposed to be. No running, no hiding, no pretending. Just chilling and being myself. And then a part of me has to go and wonder sardonically how long it will be before I screw this up, too. 


End file.
